Just writing that makes me feel claustrophobic.
It’s time, once again, to complain about my job. Slowly but surely, everything I used to like about my job is being taken away. There’s been a rearrangement of job titles/offices/duties, and I’m getting the shit end of it. Last year, when we decided we’d split my position in two, my boss said I should work for her, since she would be in charge of all communications and marketing, and that’s what I enjoyed doing. She even sent me on a six-day PR/Marketing training to prepare myself. I came back bubbling with ideas for expanding our social media presence and improving our communications. Since then, slowly but surely, everything I’ve liked about my job has been taken from me and given to another assistant. I am no longer in charge of social media or the website copy, or anything else that I was promised. I was even denied the opportunity to teach a Journalism course after school, after my work day.
I continue to offer myself for all sorts of writing and marketing opportunities, only to be told that, after four years working here, my boss doesn’t “trust” me with larger-scale marketing and communication endeavors. Any time I try to make creative suggestions that will improve a letter she’s written or make it more readable to the public, she gets upset and says she has her own voice. I’ve been relegated to base-line proofreading. This would all seem less offensive and disheartening were I not halfway through my MFA in writing. I have been cut off from all attempts at and outlets for creativity, and my brain feels like it’s drying up.
Every day, I search a handful of my favorite job search engines and send out my resume. For most writing jobs, I’m considered under-qualified. Even when I have my MFA, I can’t really teach without experience. I need this job’s paycheck and vacation time to finish school. There’s nowhere to go and nothing to do. In every sense of the word, I’m stuck in a job that has stifled me, and I officially have no investment in anything I do here.
This post was depressing, but I just don’t have the optimism in me today.